So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My pussy is not your playground.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Randomize
