wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
