he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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