Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I CAN MOONWALK!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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