He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
