how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
