his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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