A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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