party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
