Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize