I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
