Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize