I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
