how hairy? two words: wookie tits
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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