you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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