just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Randomize
