I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
