but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
