he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
