her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
