Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Randomize
