Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
