Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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