Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
