We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
