I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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