She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
