Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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