you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
