I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
