Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
