Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize