i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
