i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
