the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
