Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
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