please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
