miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize