I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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