FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
