I CAN MOONWALK!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
