she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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