I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
zippers are such a cool invention
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
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