I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
