yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
