he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
