From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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