carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
you are never too drunk for berry picking
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
