I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
