What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
