these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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