she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize