My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
