i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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