i already hear my dad disowning me
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
