you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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