Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
