So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
even my farts smell like vagina
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
