She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My bed is full of blood and feathers
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
