can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
