fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
