The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
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