beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
