Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
