so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
