dude i'm inner monologue high
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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