I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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