Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize