i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
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