Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
