My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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