she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
