Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
