Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
