if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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