haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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