I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
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well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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