Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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