Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My hand turned me down
i just google imaged poop.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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