Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize