how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
