if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize