holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
