The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
