I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
only you would photoshop your dick
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I had to cum in my sink.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
