I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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