Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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