Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
