i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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