omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Did you just see the Batmobile???
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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