# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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