the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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