sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
