im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
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