I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
