i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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