I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize