I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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