i would punch a child for taco bell
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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