somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
