That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
