We're like a lot better than the average bears
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize