i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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