Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
