God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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