What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
