I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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