Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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